I've no idea what picture to use today so here are a couple of birds to look at. Pretty, aren't they? :)
Things I've learned: The September 12th edition.
1. It IS possible for folks in a red state to be accepting and awesome. Like the two girls who stood up for my daughter when a jerk at school asked her if she was "super gay." The girls who then got accused of being "bi," and the muscle bound jock who stepped in to tell the jerk to back off. These kids I don't know completely made my day when I heard the story.
2. It is REALLY hard to use the pronouns they/them/their when referring to a singular person. I'm truly not trying to misgender anyone but it's just HARD. Harder than switching from He to She or vice versa. Part of the reason it's hard is because I didn't even know non-binary was a "thing" before I found out C was transgender. I'm old. I'm so happy times are changing for my daughter and all other two-spirit souls but man, it's tough sometimes!
3. Family who make the effort to recognize my daughter with little gestures -- small gifts, big gifts, kind words -- are bloody rockstars. Like my mum and dad who had C make a new stepping stone at their house to replace the one with her old name. Like my sister who sent C a tank dress for her birthday with a storm trooper straightening his tie on it. If this kid is going to wear a dress, this is TOTALLY the dress she's going to wear.
4. Attending a support group for parents of trans kids when two new-to-this-trans-world parents come for the first time is incredible. It is incredible to be able to look back at those confusing, raw, terrifying first days and realize just how far you've come. It's incredible to be able to offer support and say, in all honesty, it's going to be ok.
5. I can imagine that taking your child for her first birth control shot is a completely surreal experience for any girl parent. For a trans girl parent it's stunningly surreal. But a good laugh goes a very long way. Wagging your finger and warning your trans daughter not to get pregnant will make you both laugh heartily.
6. Contrary to everything I'd read, that first shot of Depo Provera did not result in a weepy, shouty, emotional wreck of a daughter for the weekend. In fact, we were prepared to batten down the hatches and nothing. If anything, she was happier - yet another step to the real C.
7. If you have a health care provider who is an ally, hold on to that person. Send him or her thank you notes. Appreciate that you are one of the lucky ones. Recognize that not all health care providers are so amazing and you won the lottery with yours.
8. Buying a new wardrobe for your child -- right down to underwear and socks -- will break the bank. And test your patience to the -enth degree. But you do it because you need to. Because it's so important. Because it helps your child define herself and discover herself.
9. Contrary to what I first imagined, my child did not have a defined image of her female self when she came out. She did not know what clothes she wanted, whether she wanted to wear make-up or not, what "look" she wanted to have. I had images of pink this and ruffly that. Why on earth would she change from a fanboy to a girly girl? It makes so much more sense that she is falling in to the role of fangirl now that she is figuring out who she is.
10. My other kids amaze me daily. They are so kind and patient answering the questions of their friends and perfect strangers. Kids are so resilient. And kids are more accepting that their parents. Remember that. Even if you don't understand it - explain these things to your kids like you do or, better yet, be honest and say "I don't know. Let's ask someone who would know that." Then ask me. Or your local equality center. Go find the information you're looking for and get educated so you can help this next generation be as accepting as my wonderful boys.
11. Watching your child, who had become angry and withdrawn and depressed come out of her shell is worth it all. EVERY SINGLE BIT OF IT.