"Nocturnal emission - an involuntary ejaculation of semen during sleep." Such a benign term for a wet dream. But when your daughter has wet dreams, it's not so benign. It's heartbreaking. Not simply because she doesn't want to inhabit the body she does. Not simply because it's a reminder of how far she still has to go. But also, because wet dreams are the one thing standing between our daughter and the next step of transition.
My husband, the endocrinologist and I had all agreed that C should freeze sperm before she starts estrogen. While, at the age of 14, she says she does not care about having biological children, we feel that it is our duty to secure that option for her. But, lord, it has not been easy!
In order to have a sperm analysis, which precedes the freezing of sperm, C needs to wait 3-8 days without pleasuring herself. Do you have any idea how hard that is?! She makes it to two days and, without fail, has a wet dream the morning we are supposed to take a sample in. To be 100% certain, I even took a sample of next to nothing to the lab and was told me there was simply not enough there to do anything with.
C starts school on August 22nd. It's now July 19th. She wants to be on estrogen for several weeks before school starts, understandably, so that she will begin to see the feminization she so eagerly wants. We've been trying for almost a month to get a sample with no luck and she has reached the end of her patience and ability to maintain hope for her future. My husband and I have decided, we will give it one more try and then, regardless of the outcome, we will proceed with estrogen for her, if the doctor will agree. The depression and dysphoria are gutwrenching to watch. And to know we could help put an end to that is too much. Is a hypothetical future grandchild worth the well-being of our child who is here now and begging for our help? In a word: no.
I'm on hold now with the endocrinologist's office -- listening to the cloying hold music -- holding my breath and hoping she will let us proceed. Wish us luck!
UPDATE: The doctor agreed and is calling in the prescription! We've beat this massive hurdle!