I'm a feminist. Not in the "burn your bra" sense of the word but in the sense that I believe women should be afforded the same opportunities as men. And, that women should have the right to choose if they accept those opportunities or not. And, that women can behave as they choose, as long as it's not hurting anyone else. I have never been a girly-girl. In fact, I'm a tom boy through and through. I don't believe women should be demure and delicate. But I do believe in manners. Be polite, use please and thank you, etc. These apply to everyone. Right? I find it really shocking to find myself fighting the urge to treat C differently, in some ways, now that she is presenting female. I gave myself a little talking to when I realized I was thinking I should focus more on her cooking and cleaning skills. Seriously? I have mentally slapped my hand many times for thinking she should smile more and look more appealing to others. Why do women need to be more pleasant than men? A couple of days ago, C was manspreading when we went to the theatre, and I made a mental note to remind her after the show that she needs to keep her knees together more. Now, I would have spoken to her before she began transition because I think it's just rude to take up more than your share of space, but this was different. I was thinking of the stupid "ladies behave this way..." ideals.
We went to the counselor last week, after a particularly fraught day, and he told us he asked C if she was angry that we still made her cut the grass, even though she's a girl. She emphatically said no. In our family I am just as likely to do the "man" jobs as my husband is to do the "woman" jobs. So why am I finding myself fighting the urge to treat my daughter differently from my sons? Even my husband has an urge to treat her differently and asked me the other day if he should be doing that. I told him, "No, you don't treat me any differently than you would a man" and he answered "Well, actually I do. I usher you through doors before others, I take heavy things from you..." And he's right, he's a very kind and attentive husband. Is this how he should behave toward a daughter? I'm so disappointed in my feminist self for having these thoughts. Should women be treated differently? Is there an innate sense of protection of women or is it learned? Why the hell would I treat my child differently? Damn, this thing is confusing!