What a week this has been. School ended amidst the usual concerts, award ceremonies and added end-of-middle-school events for our eighth grader. When did life get so hectic?!
C and The Girlfriend had a very amicable break-up and have managed to maintain a friendship so far. A HUGE thank you goes out to The Girlfriend's parents for helping us wrangle a half hour meet-up for ice cream so the break-up could be done in person before the schedules were out of alignment again for weeks. Amazingly supportive friends like that have made all of this bearable. Communication with The Boy has ramped up. He's out of state for the summer so there'll be no grand romance. But it's sweet to see C's flushed cheeks and excited chatter when she talks about him. The big news: C had an appointment with the endocrinologist! When C first came out to us, in those early days when I needed to do something, I reached out to our wonderful pediatrician for advice on hormone blockers. He immediately gave me names of pediatric endocrinologists in town and offered to set up the appointments for us, with a referral for insurance purposes. I'm so glad we took those steps early on because it was a 6-week wait for the appointment. I didn't know at the time that we would need a formal diagnosis of "Gender Dysphoria Disorder" from a counselor in order to start hormones. Thankfully, during the wait we also managed to start counseling and got that diagnosis immediately so everything stayed on track.
The Doctor we saw was lovely. She couldn't have been kinder or more welcoming - and made everything so normal. In this red state you can't assume anyone will be ok with any of this. Though I knew our pediatrician would only set us up with good folks, I wasn't sure if the endocrinologist would just be "ok" with trans issues or if she'd be "totally fine" with trans issues, if you see what I mean. Man, this doc was cool. I had prepped C that she needed to be totally open and honest with the doctor before we got there. I explained that this woman was going to be the person standing between her and her dreams so she'd do well to answer any questions the doctor had as fully as possible. The doctor did an incredible job of having a conversational interview with C. They talked about the every day stuff: "What school will you go to next fall?", "What are your interests?" etc. Every now and then she'd pop in a "How did you know your body and brain didn't match?" or "What are your dreams?" I learned that C has always known her body and brain didn't match. Always. She just couldn't crystalize those thoughts in to a Thing. They just didn't match. But then about five years ago - at the age of 9 - she realized it was a Thing. But what was that Thing. About three years ago - at 11 - she learned the word Transgender and the Thing had a name. C chatted excitedly and just about came out of her skin when the doc recommended that we do both the hormone blockers (androgyn blockers) and estrogen at the same time. We had been told to expect that she'd be on blockers for at least 6 months before estrogen but the doctor explained that she doesn't find that necessary in clear cut cases with supportive families. There's no medical necessity for that when everyone is ready to get on with it. We briefly covered freezing some of C's sperm before we begin hormones so that, when she's older, she has the option for biological children if she wants them. She said, "I'm totally cool with adoption," and I told her, "This is one of those things dad and I have already talked about. We'll make sure you have some sperm frozen so you have the choice. If you don't want them, fine, but at this age it's so hard to know what you'll want then." Oh, the irony. You may not know if you'll want biological kids but we trust you to know you are ready for transition. So, C had her blood work done ("How long will this take?" "How many needles will they use?" "Are we almost done?") and we were told we'd have prescriptions as soon as the blood work was back, probably within two weeks. Just like that, we're on our way! We were given a list onset timeframes for a number of changes:
Decreased libido and decreased spontaneous erections: 1-3 months
Redistribution of body fat: 3-6 months
Decrease in muscle mass and strength: 3-6 months
Softening of skin and decreased oiliness: 3-6 months
Decreased testicular volume: 3-6 months
Breast growth: 3-6 months
Decreased terminal hair growth: 3-6 months
Decreased sperm production: unknown
Male sexual dysfunction: unknown
Voice changes: none C perused the list and all the cautions that came with it, reading like a television ad for prescription drugs. We laughed, "These drugs might cause burping, herpes or DEATH" like we often do watching the ridiculous ads on television. She stopped and looked at me with a huge smile. "Boobs. In 3-6 months." Deep breath. Next step.